My soul waits for the Lord
More than watchmen for the morning
More than watchmen for the morning.
Psalm 130:6 (ESV)
While this post has nothing to do with the stated purpose of this blog ( I posted it on my other blog) I wanted to place it here, because I hope it’s message will resonate with some of my readers who do not subscribe to my other blog.
For many years I felt I possessed an insight into this verse that a lot of people could not appreciate. Whenever I read this verse, invariably an image would come to mind of experiences I had in Vietnam. I remember being on guard in Vietnam, staring out into the darkness, praying that I would see nothing throughout a long and fearful night. Most of the time, the night would pass uneventfully, although it was not always to be so. But it’s that image of staring out into a darkness so black that it seems to envelop you that I most remember. Can you imagine the relief when daylight finally arrives and most of the danger is over? And that’s how it must have felt to watchmen on the city walls in the ancient world; fear turning to relief with the promise of one more day.
As I try to deal with a diagnosis of terminal lung cancer I feel some of that same anxiety. I see before me a darkness that threatens to swallow me up with no promise of daylight at the end. You see, I understand that life is too uncertain and our fears too real for them to be explained away simply by quoting an inspirational verse. You can quote this verse (and hundreds of others) to me, but the darkness is still there and the struggles ongoing.
So, what should we do with verses like this? First of all, be careful before you post an inspirational verse on social media. Can you understand that I now have two perspectives on this verse that many of you cannot identify with (Vietnam and cancer)? Posting a verse such as this provides little encouragement to me, unless it is put into a context that recognizes the full reality of my situation. I would even suggest that until you have experienced real hardship in life, perhaps you may not be the best one to provide encouragement. Better to leave that to those who have some battle scars and have experienced struggle firsthand.
So how can this and similar verses encourage us? Certainly not by some “health and wealth” platitude that everything is going to work out fine. From a material perspective, it may not. Yes, I can and do look forward in faith to a time when the darkness is over and an eternal morning dawns. I believe that, but I still have to deal everyday with pain and struggles that are so real I am reluctant to describe them. I have to watch my wife step in and do so many things that should be my responsibility. And although she does so magnificently and without a word of complaining, it is hard for me to accept.
So, just in case you missed it, here is the lesson with which I would leave you. Please recognize that life is real and struggle is part of it. For many of us the darkness is always there, ready to engulf us. Simply posting an inspirational verse or quotation by itself is not enough. Do something to acknowledge that you recognize the reality behind it. The last thing someone struggling with a serious problem needs is for someone to post something that just adds to their guilt, because they do not have a blind faith that takes away all of the fear. And as much as I long for the morning, today the darkness is still there. So, leave me with encouragement as I struggle with that darkness, rather than guilt because I am still struggling.
This reminds me of the ‘God only gives huge burdens to those who can handle them’ platitudes. When I was struggling with the serious health issues of one if my babies, that kind of statement helped me exactly 0% and made me realise that so many people had no idea what I was going through.
So lovely to see a post from you here.
Thanks for the encouragement, Eva. I don’t know if you ever read my posts on Caringbridge, but I am struggling right now. I spent a week in the hospital, because I have been coughing up blood. They tried a couple of “fixes.”
I begin 10 days of radiation on Monday to try to seal off the cancerous lesion that is bleeding. It actually started, because chemo had reduced the lesion, and it pulled away, causing the bleeding. As you know, one thing leads to another. I am trying to deal with every day and hoping the radiation helps.
That must be so scary for you all. Radiation sounds potentially positive though? Il be thinking if you on Monday ❤
Phil, This is Gary’s latest post on one of his blogs.
Reblogged this on The Aspirational Agnostic and commented:
I’ve just read that Gary died last night. He was an early encourager of my blogging efforts and I wanted to share this, his last entry.